Tuesday, October 19, 2010

We're too tired of this sh--!

Boring.

“Red”
One and a half stars

By Thomas Tracy

There’s a reason why there are very few adventure films for the over 65 set. 

To do it right, the action and the comedy have to in perfect synch so one doesn’t overshadow the other. Then you should throw in a pinch of romance and a dash of “We’re NOT too old for this sh--!” haughtiness for good measure.

“Red,” which is apparently code for “Retired, Extremely Dangerous,” has all of these elements, but director Robert Schwentke (“The Time Traveler’s Wife”) decide to muck everything up when he substituted plot and character development with mindless gunfights and massive explosions that everyone — no matter how old — has seen before.

Based on a DC graphic novel, “Red” follows the absolutely boring life of Frank Moses (Bruce Willis, “Cop Out”), a former CIA operative who’s having a hard time surviving retirement — although it’s a bit of a stretch to think that the 55-year-old Willis has reached his golden years.

Without a gun and a government sanctioned covert mission to occupy his time, Moses’ top priorities include keeping up with the neighbors and finding reasons to talk to Sarah (the poorly used Mary Louise-Parker, “Weeds”), the woman who mails out his retirement checks.

Moses is quickly forced back into the life of covert espionage when — surprise, surprise — someone puts a contract out on his life, as well as those of fellow CIA retirees played by Morgan Freeman (“Invictus”), John Malkovich (“Secretariat”) and Helen Mirren (“The Queen”).

All of them were apparently part of an off-the-books operation in South America back in the 1980s that someone wants to erase from history, although that part of the story isn’t fleshed out enough for the viewer to really sink his teeth into.

Instead, we watch Moses and crew unlock the cache of weapons they apparently saved for a rainy day (hey, who doesn’t retire without stealing a few office supplies?) and exact some good old fashioned vengeance upon whoever gets in their way.

Just for fun (it has to be, since no legitimate reasonable explanation isn’t given) Moses decides to kidnap Sarah and take her along for the ride.

Yet this ride will be short-lived for many movie-goers; the thrill of watching the matronly Mirren put a cap in somebody’s ass wanes long before the film does.

“Red.” Starring Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman and Helen Mirren. Directed by Robert Schwentke. Running time: 111 minutes. Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of action violence and brief strong language. Playing in Brooklyn at Access Digital Theatres - Pavilion Cinema in Park Slope, UA Court Street Stadium 12 in Downtown, Kent Theatre in Coney Island, UA Sheepshead Bay 14, and Bay Ridge Alpine Cinemas.

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