Kitchen Klutz: Stinky pad thai!

Photo by Joe Maniscalco

Story by Michèle De Meglio

It’s time to put my amateur cooking skills to the test.

This week, I attempted my most difficult dish yet — Pad Thai. The traditional treat requires more than a dozen ingredients and nearly an hour of prep work.

I knew this would be quite complicated but I was still taken aback by some of the kooky ingredients. Isn’t dried shrimp meant for fish food?

But nothing topped the fish sauce. Have you ever smelled this stuff? Jeez, it turned my stomach! I was pretty concerned about how the pungent odor would affect the dish but hey, the Food Network recipe called for it so maybe it airs out during cooking. We’ll see.

Once all the ingredients were chopped and in their own bowls, it was time for the main event — sautéing everything in a wok.

As soon as I poured in peanut oil and tossed in tofu, hot oil soared out of the wok and headed straight for my uncovered forearms. I really have to stop wearing short sleeve T-shirts when cooking.

As I combined the ingredients, the steam grew higher. It didn’t quit until the final step when I added rice stick noodles.

By this point, a thick brown liquid formed at the bottom of the wok and everything looked cooked to death. Gosh, I hope this tastes good.

Verdict: Fish sauce is nasty! The recipe I used recommends two tablespoons of the stuff but take my word for it, that’s way too much. The stinky smell stayed strong, making the dish taste like an old shoe.

It was quite a shame since the noodles were cooked well and the bean sprouts and peanuts added a nice crunch. This could have been a great meal.

If you’re going to attempt this dish, one tiny teaspoon of fish sauce should do the trick. With this minor change, your Pad Thai will be terrific!


Pad Thai
(Recipe courtesy Alton Brown, Food Network)
Ingredients
1 ounce tamarind paste
3/4 cup boiling water
2 tablespoons fish sauce
2 tablespoons palm sugar
1 tablespoon rice wine vinegar
4 ounces rice stick noodles
6 ounces Marinated Tofu, recipe follows
1 to 2 tablespoons peanut oil
1 cup chopped scallions, divided
2 teaspoons minced garlic
2 whole eggs, beaten
2 teaspoons salted cabbage
1 tablespoon dried shrimp
3 ounces bean sprouts, divided
1/2 cup roasted salted peanuts, chopped, divided
Freshly ground dried red chile peppers, to taste
1 lime, cut into wedges

Directions
Place the tamarind paste in the boiling water and set aside while preparing the other ingredients.

Combine the fish sauce, palm sugar, and rice wine vinegar in a small bowl and set aside.

Place the rice stick noodles in a mixing bowl and cover with hot water. Set aside while you prepare the remaining ingredients. Once the other ingredients are measured out into separate bowls, drain the water from the noodles and set them aside. Cut the tofu into half-inch wide strips, similar to French fries.

Press the tamarind paste through a fine mesh strainer and add to the sauce. Stir to combine.

Place a wok over high heat. Once hot, add one tablespoon of the peanut oil. Heat until it shimmers, then add the tofu. Cook the tofu until golden brown, moving constantly, for no longer than one minute. Remove the tofu from the pan to a small bowl and set aside.

If necessary, add some more peanut oil to the pan and heat until shimmering. Add two-thirds of the scallions and then the garlic, cook for 10 to 15 seconds. Add the eggs to the pan; once the eggs begin to set up, about 15 to 20 seconds, stir to scramble. Add the remaining ingredients in the following order and toss after each addition: noodles, sauce, cabbage, shrimp, and two-thirds of the bean sprouts and peanuts. Toss everything until heated through, but no longer than one to two minutes total. Transfer to a serving dish. Garnish with the remaining scallions, bean sprouts, and peanuts. Serve immediately with the ground chile peppers and lime wedges.


Marinated Tofu
Ingredients
6 ounces extra-firm tofu, not silken
1-1/2 cups soy sauce
1 teaspoon Chinese five-spice powder

Directions
Wrap the tofu firmly in a tea towel. Place the wrapped tofu into an eight-inch cake pan. Top with another cake pan and weigh down with a five-pound weight. (Bags of dried beans or grains work well.) Place in refrigerator and press for 12 to 15 hours.

Place pressed tofu in a two-cup container. Combine soy sauce and five-spice powder and pour over tofu. Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes, turning once. Remove the tofu from the marinade and use immediately or store in the refrigerator for up to two to three days.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Panda-licious!

By Michèle De Meglio

I have a secret.

I wish I was a panda! Really it’s because I spent the winter clad in a cool furry hat complete with panda ears and matching gloves, which I called my paws. How cute is that?

Since it’s too warm to wear my adorable cold weather gear, I’m going to keep my panda love alive by eating like one of the cuddly creatures.

That was my plan until I realized that pandas chomp on raw bamboo all day long. I’m not one for uncooked food (I only do veggie sushi) so I searched for a recipe incorporating cooked bamboo.

The one dish that continued to pop up on my Google page was Beef and Bamboo Shoots Stir-fry. The only problem — several versions of the recipe called for 10 or more ingredients. That’s too much cookin’ for this Klutz to handle.

Unable to find anything simple, I pulled out the Chicken and Broccoli Stir-fry recipe I used last summer and figured I’d substitute one veggie for another.

This would also be a way for me to rectify my mistakes on the broccoli dish. You may recall that I accidentally doused the grub with a full bottle of salty sauce. It left me with an inedible mess!
This time around, I used a measuring cup. Aren’t you proud?

Cooking consisted of several steps — cleaning the bamboo shoots, slicing the steak (I really hate the slimy feel of raw meat) and sautéing everything in a wok coated with olive oil and garlic.

This experience taught me something — the wok is my least favorite pot. That’s because nothing can sizzle and steam or make me scream like a hot wok.

Here’s another secret — I actually kind of enjoyed fighting with the stove while wearing my panda hat. A happy hat makes everything better!

Verdict: Gazing at bamboo is enjoyable — grazing on it ain’t.

I expect that the best chefs could whip up a brilliant bamboo-based meal but my adapted stir-fry recipe definitely didn’t do the trick. And I might have gone a little overboard on the stir-fry sauce, again.

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m not a fan of munching on crunchy strips with a weird aftertaste. Even more disturbing, they sort of look like fingers. Weird.

Gosh, maybe I’m not a panda after all! Wah!


Beef and Bamboo Shoots Stir-fry
Ingredients
1 lb. sirloin steak, cubed
1 can bamboo shoots, drained and rinsed
4 ounces stir-fry sauce
2 cloves garlic, minced
Oil

Directions
Pour 2 tbsp. oil into wok on high heat. Sauté garlic until lightly brown. Add steak, cook until tender. Remove steak. Wipe wok down with a paper towel then coat with 2 tbsp. oil. Add bamboo shoots and stir-fry until soft. Put steak back in wok and cover with sauce. Stir-fry until warmed through.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Save some green – make your own salad at home

By Michèle De Meglio

I love salad!

But I hate spending $10 for one at Hale and Hearty or Au Bon Pain or whatever overpriced eatery is near this paper’s office.

Seriously, ten bucks for some leaves? That’s bonkers!

Tired of wasting my hard-earned cash, I’m making my own salad to take to work for lunch. Watch me go!

For my dish, I combined all the things I love about store-bought salads — but didn’t have to pay $1.20 for each add-in. That’s a first!

I started with mixed field greens, which I find more enjoyable than boring old Romaine lettuce. I like variety!

In went my favorites — cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, red onions, red peppers, carrots, mozzarella cheese, dried cranberries and sliced almonds.

Instead of the standard chicken add-in, I opted for turkey. I kept it simple by cooking the cutlet on my George Foreman Grill. (Mr. Foreman should really start paying me for promoting that thing!)

Salad dressings can be too heavy so I drizzled just a bit of a light balsamic vinaigrette.

I tried to mince everything the way Hale and Hearty does (it’s fun to eat really tiny grub) but found it difficult to do with a kitchen knife. I need that funky chopper thing they have! Hmm, this could be an excuse to go shopping. Yeah!

Verdict: I should start my own salad business!

Who needs fancy-schmancy bistros when I can whip up my very own smashing salad? Not me!

Au revoir Au Bon Pain!


Klutz’s salad
Ingredients
2 cups mixed field greens
1/2 cucumber
6 cherry tomatoes
1/4 cup red onions
1/4 cup red pepper
1/2 cup carrots
1 mozzarella cheese stick, cubed
1/3 cup dried cranberries
1/4 cup sliced almonds
4 tbsp balsamic vinaigrette

Directions
Combine all ingredients in a bowl and drizzle balsamic vinaigrette. Serve immediately.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Say bye-bye to boring salmon

Photo by Joe Maniscalco

Story by Michèle De Meglio

I have fins!

Well, not really. But how many times can you eat grilled salmon with lemon or rosemary before you feel like you’re turning into a fish?

Let’s ditch the bland and boring recipes and try something new!

I recently enjoyed a light and lovely fillet of sole coated in breadcrumbs at Gargiulo’s Restaurant in Coney Island during the 50th anniversary party for one of this paper’s finest photographers, Bob Hacken, and his wonderful wife, Gloria.

The yummy sole got me thinking — why can’t salmon be prepared this way? There’s no reason why not so I got to cooking!

I’m not a fan of salmon steaks (they look odd and nobody likes chomping on bones) so I bought thin fillets from my local fishmonger.

Sadly, this dish couldn’t be cooked on my trusty George Foreman Grill — unless I wanted to spend 20 minutes scraping burnt breadcrumbs off of the nonstick coating. I didn’t.

Instead, the fillets went in a baking pan. Before topping the fish with garlic, onion, parsley, lemon juice (can’t get away from it) and breadcrumbs, I drizzled a little more oil thinking it would make the ingredients stick to the fish.

A few sesame seeds went on top for added pizazz. Remember, presentation is key!

Verdict: Gargiulo’s won’t be hiring me anytime soon. I kept the dish in the oven for a few extra minutes to brown the breadcrumbs but ended up with dry and overcooked salmon. Eating rubber ain’t fun.

I stomached as much fish as I could before picking at the burnt breadcrumbs, which were quite yummy.

Hey, at least I tried something new.


Baked breaded salmon
Ingredients
2 salmon fillets
1/4 cup breadcrumbs
1 clove garlic, minced
1/4 small Vidalia onion, minced
1 tsp. parsley, minced
1 tbsp. lemon juice
1 tsp. sesame seeds
Olive oil
Salt
Pepper

Directions
Rinse fillets and place in a baking pan coated with olive oil. Drizzle oil over fish, then add lemon juice and sprinkle garlic, onion, parsley, salt and pepper. Add a thin layer of breadcrumbs. Top with sesame seeds. Bake at 450 degrees for 10 minutes. Serves two.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Klutz is egg-cellent

By Michèle De Meglio

To me, breakfast is the easiest meal of the day. All you do is dump some Cheerios and organic fat-free milk in a bowl and voilà! Easy peasy.

But I’m tired of eating cereal! I want a grown-up breakfast!

Eggs seem sophisticated but I don’t want to burn my frying pan every single morning. (That’d require a lot of Brillo.) So what about a casserole? If I made a yummy egg and veggie dish, I could store it in my freezer and simply microwave a slice each morning. Sounds like a super plan!

I’ve never made such a casserole before so I thought of all the things I enjoy in my omelet - cheese (mozzarella or cheddar) and veggies (mostly peppers and onions).

If I just toss all that stuff in a bowl, it’s gotta be good, right? Let’s find out!

So that’s what I did. I filled my trusty baking pan (it’s blue!) with a few eggs and loads of veggies.

I minced the veggies because I don’t know about you, but I hate eating giant pieces of leaves. I feel like a rabbit! And it’s much more fun to have tiny flecks of green goodness all over my dish. Yum!

I wasn’t sure how long to cook the casserole and was particularly nervous. Why do you ask? Well, because I generally overcook scrambled eggs until they are hard brown clumps. I didn’t want my casserole to wind up like that!

So I repeatedly opened the oven door to inspect the dish. And I mean a lot.

Verdict: Not like Cheerios. Duh!

The egg-cellent casserole wasn’t too bad. Maybe could have used some salt and pepper (I always forget those things) but overall, I consider it a success for my first experiment.

More than anything, I think I found the taste of eggs jarring after so many cereal mornings.

Next time, I’ll use more veggies - and lots of ‘em! Oh yeah, and some seasoning.


Breakfast casserole
Ingredients
5 eggs
1 cup red pepper
1 cup green pepper
3/4 cup onion
1-1/2 cup cheddar or mozzarella cheese, grated
1 cup milk
Salt
Pepper

Directions
Mince vegetables. Beat eggs in large bowl, then add remaining ingredients. Pour mixture in a greased 9x13 inch dish. Bake at 325 degrees for 30 minutes.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Klutz makes frozen treats

By Michèle De Meglio

I have a new obsession - Red Mango!

Forget Pinkberry, Red Mango is by far my favorite frozen yogurt chain. And,yes, I eat the cold treat in the dead of winter.

There’s only one problem - it’s expensive!

Tired of shelling out $6 for a yogurt and fruit combo, I tried to make my own frozen yogurt at home.

Going in, I wasn’t too convinced that my version would be as good as Red Mango’s but it was worth a shot! And it would save me some cash!

Classic frozen yogurt requires just a few ingredients - yogurt, of course, sugar and vanilla extract. Many recipes I found called for vanilla extract mixed with Greek yogurt. I’m not a big fan of FAGE’s sour kick so I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone and just use regular vanilla yogurt.

In place of sugar (some recipes called for a full cup!), I opted for a sugar substitute.

Nearly every recipe I read used an ice cream maker. I don’t have one and found it unwise to spend $50 on a machine for one dish - especially when I’m making this dessert to save money.

Searching for a super basic recipe, I found different ideas for how to concoct frozen yogurt.

One advised filling a Ziploc bag with the yogurt mixture and then placing it in a larger bag containing salt and ice. Then you throw the bags around for 10 minutes. Sounds like fun but I had a scary vision of the entire thing breaking and coating my kitchen with ice and frozen goo. So not cute.

Another tip sounded easy and mess free. All you do is fill a deep baking pan with the mixture and put it in the freezer for four hours. Every 30 minutes or so, give it a stir. Sounds good to me!

Verdict: Yummy yogurt in my tummy!

The dreamy treat didn’t taste exactly like Red Mango (it was a bit too sweet) but it was still tasty - and easy to make!

Toss some fresh berries on top for the most delightful dessert.


Easy Vanilla Frozen Yogurt
Ingredients
2 cups vanilla yogurt
2 tbsp sugar substitute

Directions
Strain yogurt to remove liquid. Combine with sugar substitute. Fill a plastic or metal baking pan with the mixture and store in freezer for four hours, stirring well every 30 minutes. Serve with fresh fruit.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Cooking on a budget

By Michèle De Meglio

Groceries are way too expensive.

Thanks to this terrible economic crisis, it seems every single item in Waldbaum’s is ridiculously overpriced. Five bucks for milk? Six bucks for a pack of yogurt smoothies? Get real!

This week, I wanted to make a cheap dish that could last for several days - and not taste like rubber when reheated in the microwave.

I settled on Potatoes and Eggs. My family calls this Italian comfort food - and Italian poverty food. Seems fitting for this task.

I borrowed my mother’s recipe (she made this all the time when I was a kid) and was unhappily surprised to discover that it’s much more difficult than I expected!

Now, I thought I’d just fill a bowl with a few eggs and some potato pieces. Not so!

First, I sautéed onions in a frying pan then added the chopped potatoes to brown. I’m kinda getting the hang of this sauté thing but the sizzling sounds still make me nervous - and ready to duck splashing oil.

The next step was what I had envisioned - beating eggs in a bowl. Only one itty-bitty shell fell in!

I added the eggs to the frying pan and, according to the recipe, was to turn the entire dish over when the underside was brown. Huh?!

The trick, my mom advised, is to cover the pan with a large plate and flip that sucker upside down. Then you slide the grub, brown side up, back into the pan. Uh, yeah, I don’t wanna do that.

But, sadly, I had to. I really did try my hardest but that pan was heavy! And hot! I managed to get the food on the plate and then back in the pan but trust me, it wasn’t pretty. And I may have lost some potatoes along the way.

Verdict: What a sloppy mess!

Flipping the frying pan upside down proved to be quite difficult - and emotionally scarring - for me. It left me with a broken glop of smooshed potatoes and eggs!

It may not have looked pretty, but it sure tasted good!


Potatoes and eggs
Ingredients
2 lb potatoes, peeled and cubed
4 eggs
1 large onion, sliced
1/2 medium red pepper, thinly sliced
1/3 cup fresh parsley leaves
Salt
Pepper
Olive Oil

Directions
In a round frying pan, sauté the onion in olive oil until transparent . Add potatoes, continue to sauté on medium heat until almost browned. Add red pepper. In a bowl, beat the eggs, adding salt, pepper and parsley. Add egg mixture to sauté pan. When set and browned on the underside, loosen it with a spatula. Cover with a round plate and flip pan upside down. Slide potatoes and eggs back into the pan with browned part on top. Cook for five minutes.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Stew and Snuggie!

By Michèle De Meglio

With all this snow, sometimes you need a warm, hearty meal.

For that I looked to the tried-and-true beef stew recipe my grandmother passed down to my mother.

I’ve never made a stew before but it seems that you just throw a bunch of stuff in a pot, right?
Well, something like that.

I started by dipping pieces of steak (cut into cubes) in flour and then browning them in a sauté pan. This sounds easy but the trick is to cook the meat until it’s nearly done — not overdone. Unfortunately, I generally cook meat a bit too long because I’m afraid of eating bloody carcass. Gross!

Once I thought it was brown enough, I added two cups of water and three beef bouillon cubes.

After 45 minutes of simmering, it was time to put some veggies in that pot! In went potatoes, baby carrots, celery and an onion. Mushrooms joined the hot party toward the end of a second 45-minute simmering session.

Nearly two hours for a dish! That’s a long time to wait for grub.

As I impatiently stared at the clock, I thought of all the things I could be doing to pass the time. I could make a yummy dessert, blend a super-fruit smoothie — forget that! I’d rather play Nintendo Wii’s Dance Dance Revolution while the stew simmers. Now that’s the way to cook!

Verdict: A bad combination — chewy and bland. I clearly let the beef cook too long, as indicated by its rubbery texture. It’s like eating an old shoe.

On top of that, the stew needed a few more pinches of salt. It was way too plain!

There was one good thing about this dish. I ate it while sprawled out on my couch under a leopard-print Snuggie. That alone made this stew super fun to eat!


Beef Stew

Ingredients
1 lb steak, cubed
2 cups potatoes, chopped
1/2 cup baby carrots
1/4 cup celery, diced
1/4 cup onion, sliced
3 beef bouillon cubes
2 cups water
1 tsp garlic, minced
1 tsp parsley, minced
1 cup mushrooms, sliced
Salt
Pepper

Directions
Dredge beef in seasoned flour and brown in a sauté pan. Add water and bouillon cubes and simmer on low-medium heat for 45 minutes. Add remaining ingredients and simmer for 30 minutes. Add mushrooms and simmer for 15 minutes. While cooking, add salt and pepper to taste.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Cupcakes for Cupid

By Michèle De Meglio

Cupid is coming — and he’s bringing cupcakes!

Chocolate may be the traditional Valentine’s Day treat but I don’t wanna make that. I have to follow my heart after all — and I want cupcakes! Pink ones!

To get that lovely rosy hue, strawberries were in order. The thought of strawberry cake was too odd for my liking so I opted to transform the berries into a decadent frosting.

What’s the perfect compliment to strawberries? Vanilla! My Vanilla Cupcakes with Strawberry Frosting were gonna be great!

I searched my favorite cookbooks for the simplest and easiest recipes and ultimately combined a few to suit my novice skills.

Frankly, baking has more steps than I would have liked! (I’ve gotten pretty good at three-step dishes.)

To make the cupcakes, I filled a large bowl with dry ingredients (flour, baking powder and salt) and another with messier fare (butter, sugar, eggs and vanilla extract). Then I put everything together and added milk.

As I mixed, the batter went from very lumpy to very thin. It was difficult to tell when it was just right. It seems I have the same problem as Goldilocks!

After endless stirring, I filled a muffin pan with the mixture and put it in the oven for about 20 minutes.

Fortunately, the frosting needed only three things — sugar, an egg white and of course, loads of strawberries. After draining and smashing the berries, I filled my mini food processor with the goodies. The recipe said to mix the ingredients until they seem thick, just how rich frosting should be. I kept at it even when the food processor’s motor made sad straining noises. Those berries were going to break my machine! Oh, the things we do for love — and Valentine’s Day.

Verdict: Why can’t every day be Valentine’s Day? The world would be covered in pink and full of decadent milk chocolate and sweet strawberry-frosted cupcakes. If that wouldn’t bring world peace, I don’t know what would.


Vanilla Cupcakes with Strawberry Frosting

Ingredients
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
2/3 cup butter
1 cup brown sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
2/3 cup milk

Strawberry Frosting:
1 cup strawberries, drained
1 egg white
1 cup sugar

Directions
For cupcakes, fill a mixing bowl with flour, baking powder and salt. In a separate bowl, cream butter and sugar. Add eggs while mixing ingredients. Add vanilla. Combine both bowls and stir in milk. Bake for about 20 minutes at 350 degrees.

For frosting, drain strawberries then combine with egg white and sugar in a blender or food processor. Whip until solid, then chill to thicken mixture. Spread on cupcakes and serve.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Food Network showdown

Photos by Ted Levin

By Michèle De Meglio

“The Kitchen Klutz” and one of the “Worst Cooks in America” have joined forces to destroy the Food Network’s pristine kitchens. Not intentionally, of course.

Picture this — “Worst Cooks in America” contestant Rachel Coleman and I are armed with super sharp knives at our very own station in the Food Network’s massive test kitchens, housed in Manhattan’s Chelsea Market. Right behind us, a dozen professional chefs are testing recipes for my favorite shows and the network’s awesome magazine. Bobby Flay’s sous chef, Miriam Garron, is baking just five feet away! We are so not ready for a throwdown!

Even though it was unlikely we’d create anything as glorious as the luscious chocolate layer cakes on display, we wanted to try our best — and not be laughed at. Fortunately, two savvy chefs were at the ready with helpful tips — and probably making sure we didn’t burn the joint down.

Coleman, a Bushwick resident, and I were attempting a Seared Scallops with Citrus, Arugula and Pomegranate Salad dish created by Anne Burrell, Coleman’s mentor on “Worst Cooks” and the host of “Secrets of a Restaurant Chef.”

Coleman’s skills have clearly improved thanks to her stint on the reality show. In fact, while I squealed when placing scallops in a hot frying pan, and slicing a red onion, and segmenting a clementine, Coleman was cool as a cucumber. Burrell must be the best teacher!

“After being on the show and being in the kitchen with Chef Anne yelling at me and having the time ticking away and freaking out, it’s really relaxing to be here with you chilling,” Coleman joked.

Coleman even showed me how to properly handle a knife as long as my forearm! Apparently, you don’t just hold the handle and watch the blade flail dangerously (that’s my trusted technique). Burrell taught Coleman to keep two fingers on the base of the blade, thereby steading the potentially deadly weapon.

With a new grip on the chef’s knife, I tried my hand (shaking just a bit) at segmenting a grapefruit for the first time in my life. Since I am often nervous when handling steak knives, you can imagine my fear when Coleman advised me to hold the peeled fruit in my palm and use the giant knife to remove tiny portions — all without cutting my fingers. I did this very slowly and carefully. My segments may not have been perfect but all my digits were intact!

The fruit was combined with baby arugula for a sweet-smelling salad, which we paired with sautéed scallops. Yum!

Verdict: We didn’t screw up! Our scallops were deliciously buttery and the perfect compliment to the light citrus salad. Maybe we’re not so bad after all.

“Worst Cooks in America” airs on Sundays at 10 p.m. on the Food Network.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

Seared Scallops with Citrus, Arugula and Pomegranate Salad

Recipe Courtesy Anne Burrell

Ingredients

3 clementines, peeled and cut into segments

1 ruby red grapefruit, peeled and cut into segments

Salt

Pinch crushed red pepper

8 large dry diver sea scallops

Extra-virgin olive oil

2 cloves garlic, smashed

2 cups baby arugula

1/2 small red onion, finely julienned

1/2 cup pomegranate seeds

Directions

Combine all the citrus in a medium bowl with a pinch of salt and crushed red pepper and reserve.

Season the scallops with salt. Coat a large sauté pan with olive oil. When the oil is hot but not smoking add the smashed garlic cloves. When the garlic has become golden and very aromatic remove it from the pan and discard it. Next, gently lay the scallops in the pan and cook for 2 to 3 minutes on each side. If the pan begins to smoke, reduce the heat of the burner. The scallops should look beautifully caramelized on each side.

While the scallops are cooking, dress the arugula in a small bowl with some of the juice from the reserved citrus and also high-quality extra-virgin olive oil and some salt.

Arrange the arugula on individual serving plates. Toss the onion in with the citrus and give it a sprinkle of olive oil. Lay the citrus on the arugula.

Cut the scallops in half equatorially and place them overlapping in a line against the citrus. Sprinkle with pomegranate seeds and give another little drizzle of olive oil.

Yield: 4 servings

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Kitchen Klutz: Love that Chicken Vera Cruz!

Photo by Joe Maniscalco

Story by Michèle De Meglio

I have a new obsession.

I am a way too frequent customer at MishMash Gourmet, a cozy eatery on Kings Highway near Coney Island Avenue. While there’s colorful salads and hot soups for sale, I always get the same thing — the Chicken Vera Cruz panini. I even order it in spite of its silly name!

According to the placard, Ms. Cruz contains seasoned grilled chicken, iceberg lettuce, plum tomatoes and Swiss cheese wedged between two slices of European flatbread. Oh, I’m getting hungry.

Probably what keeps me going back for seconds and thirds is the purple pickle (it must be marinated in something, I’ve never asked what) served with every panini. It’s got a spicy kick that will make your nose run. Hey, sometimes you need it!

Hoping to avoid ordering the same thing from the same MishMash worker for the umpteenth time, I stayed home and made a Cruz-inspired panini.

Waldbaum’s didn’t have anything that said “European flatbread” so I picked some regular old bread that looked like it could be smushed pretty good.

I went about it the easy way — tossing a chicken cutlet on my favorite George Foreman Grill.

To assemble the panini, I chopped the chicken, Swiss cheese, tomato and lettuce as small as I could. Then I tried to make them even smaller since that’s how MishMash does it.

I scooped the mixture between two slices of my Brooklyn pseudo-flatbread and fired up the panini maker.

Verdict: Different but good. My panini was heartier than MishMash’s finely-chopped Cruz but it was still tasty. Hey, at least I saved $6.

Check out MishMash at www.mishmashgourmet.com.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: A T-Rex is after the Klutz

By Michèle De Meglio

I’m under attack!

There I was minding my own business when a big, giant, monstrous tyrannosaurus rex lunged at me. Ah!

It must have been the smell of my Klutzy dinner that brought him in. After all, I was making a super sweet steak. So tasty!

Before my prehistoric foe appeared, I was cooking up a storm!

There’s not much to this steak recipe (which is why I like it!) but the ingredients are super important.

Start with two four- to six-ounce filet mignon steaks. Season them with salt, pepper and the best marinade around — Peter Luger Old Fashioned Steak Sauce.

I am a native Brooklynite but I’ve never been to the famed Williamsburg steakhouse. But I have enjoyed/loved/devoured the eatery’s packaged steak sauce, which is sold in your local supermarket.

I filled a large Ziploc bag with a generous helping of the steak sauce then threw the steaks in. After a few hours marinating in the fridge, those slabs of meat were cooked (well done) on my favorite George Foreman Grill.

I understand that everyone likes their steak differently but I can’t do anything other than well done. It’s creepy to see blood oozing out of a medium rare steak and coating your side dishes. Blood-soaked veggies! Eww!

Verdict: I love Peter Luger Steak Sauce! It’s so sweet and makes me want to eat steak for days.

Oh! Maybe I’m the blood-hungry T-Rex! Grrr!

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

Saucy Steak

Ingredients

2 four- to six-ounce filet mignon steaks

Salt

Pepper

1/4 cup Peter Luger Old Fashioned Steak Sauce

Directions

Season steaks with salt and pepper. Fill a Ziploc bag with steaks and sauce and marinate for three hours. Cook on George Foreman Grill for five minutes for well done. Serves two.

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Kitchen Klutz: It's my birthday! Let's eat cake!

By Michèle De Meglio

It’s my birthday!

I repeat! It’s my birthday!

I may not be psyched about getting older but I am excited about opening presents and eating cake! Yeparoo!

In advance of my big day, my best buds and I set out to make the yummiest birthday cake ever! Fellow Courier-Life reporter Joe Maniscalco kindly offered his grandmother’s go-to recipe and I jumped at the chance to enjoy a classic yellow cake with homemade sugar icing.

Joe told me that when his grandma, the lovely Eleanor Pittman, made this cake on special occasions, all the kids in Cypress Hills would run to her kitchen in hope of securing a slice. That means it’s gotta be good!

With a silly party hat on my head, I was ready to bake Nanny’s Cake.

The cake is pretty simple. In fact, it’s super simple – combine a Duncan Hines classic yellow cake mix with four eggs, oil and a super special secret ingredient. Want to know what it is? Do you? Well? Okay! I’ll tell ya! It’s a package of Jell-O vanilla pudding mix. Joe said this makes the cake extra moist and flavorful. I like vanilla pudding so this sounds good to me!

With the batter ready, we had to grease Nanny’s old bundt pan with Crisco shortening and top that with flour so the finished cake would slide out easily. I don’t mean to complain but I was not so happy about having this buttery gook under my freshly manicured nails. So upsetting!

I was more than happy to put the batter-filled bundt pan in the oven (for an hour at 350 degrees) so I could finally rid my hands of Crisco.

Once the cake was done (it smelled so good!), my pals and I got to work on the icing.

You need a lot of arm strength to make this icing! First, I filled a small bowl with a few spoonfuls of confection sugar. While continuously stirring, one of my friends drizzled in milk. I kept stirring (my arm fell asleep!) and adding milk and sugar until the mixture was thick and creamy.

Sadly, my birthday excitement almost ruined the whole cake! You’re supposed to spread the icing when the cake is cool – not piping hot the way I wanted to do. The icing would’ve seeped into the hot cake, creating one big sugary mess.

I will never stray from Nanny’s rules again!

Verdict: Mrs. Pittman knew best! Nanny took a simple packaged cake mix and made it magical thanks to a bit of vanilla pudding and a super sugary homemade icing.

This cake will melt in your mouth and warm your heart.

Nanny’s Cake is all that a birthday gal could ask for. Now it’s time for presents!


Nanny’s Cake

Ingredients
1 Duncan Hines yellow cake mix
1 Jell-O vanilla pudding mix
1/3 cup oil
4 eggs

Frosting:
1/4 cup confection sugar
1/4 cup milk

Directions
Prepare cake batter according to box directions and combine with pudding mix. Bake in bundt pan for one hour at 350 degrees.

For icing, fill a bowl with confection sugar and pour in half the milk while stirring. Continue to add milk, and sugar if needed, until icing is smooth and thick. When cake cools, drizzle icing on cake.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Christmas lasagna — Klutz style

Photo by Joe Maniscalco

By Michèle De Meglio

My mom cooks a feast every Christmas. Seriously.

The Eve is all about seafood. After enjoying mussels, fried shrimp and scallops last year, my family and I said, “Oh gosh, no!” when presented with salmon steaks the size of my head.

On Christmas day, my mom turns out a full Italian buffet highlighted by lasagna. Oh, lasagna. Soft pasta, sweet sauce and creamy cheese. Does it get any better?

I recently joined my mom in her Brooklyn kitchen to cook this traditional dish. C’mon, of course my mother was there. Do you think I could pull this off myself?

I prefer lasagna with just noodles, cheese and sauce but my mom added chopped meat since my brothers would be sharing this dish. Seems fitting since I did call them meatheads when we were kids. They deserved it!

We used every single bit of counter space to make the lasagna. Geez, this is hard work!

After my mom made her signature tomato sauce from scratch (I think I was modeling my new boots when she did this), we browned chopped meat in a frying pan. I whined and screeched when turning the meat. My aversion to carcass continues!

The cheese mixture was a combination of ricotta, mozzarella and Parmesan. I was put in charge of mixing bowl duties (I bet my mom was sick of hearing me complain about the meat.)

Now for the fun part! Building the lasagna!

It’s kinda like building a house — a house made of gooey cheese and tomatoes! Using a 9-inch by 13-inch glass baking dish, we added layer upon layer of noodles, sauce and cheese. Then off it went into the oven.

Verdict: My mom is the greatest cook who ever lived! Her lasagna is the best in the world! Hey, I can make outlandish declarations. That’s my mama!

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Santa Claus needs a sugar rush

Photos by Joe Maniscalco

By Michèle De Meglio

Santa Claus is real! And he’s hungry!

In hope of appeasing that famously jolly fellow, I’ve continued my holiday cookie extravaganza with a round of sugar cookies. Mmm!

Admit it, when you were 10 years old, there was nothing more exciting than leaving a plate of warm cookies and a tall glass of milk for Kriss Kringle.

Growing up in Starrett City, I joined my brothers in placing our cookies and milk combo by our apartment’s terrace door. Our digs lacked a warm fireplace so how else was Santa going to get in? Duh!

We even went so far as to demand that our mother unlock the terrace door so Santa wouldn’t have any trouble. This may have been a safety concern but I really wanted a She-Ra castle!

After we screamed at the top of our lungs (three annoying brats can be pretty persuasive), my mom eventually relented and opened the door.

Looking back, I’m sure she sighed and locked the door two seconds after we ran to our beds.

But that’s not the point. The point is that we were so excited to wake up Christmas morning and discover that the cookies had vanished!

In hope of recreating that magical feeling, I concocted a batch of sugar cookies over the weekend.

I combined a bunch of ingredients (such as eggs, butter, flour and sugar, of course) in a mixing bowl and got to stirring. Then, I spooned the batter onto a cookie sheet and into the oven it went!

Verdict: There’s not enough sugar on my sugar cookies! The treats came out soft and moist but lacked the sweetness necessary to satisfy Santa. Gosh, I hope Mr. Claus isn’t mad. I’m jonesing for a Kindle.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Welcome to a Klutzy Thanksgiving!

By Michèle De Meglio

I love Thanksgiving!

Actually, I love cranberry sauce and stuffing. Family drama — not so much.

Another thing I’m not so fond of is turkey. C’mon, does anyone really like dry turkey? Duh, no!

My advice, ditch that inedible bird and load up on sweet potatoes with toasted marshmallows and even that weird green beans and fried onions casserole!

Better yet, take those lovely sides and cram them into a sandwich! I’ve never actually done this but apparently the so-called Day After Thanksgiving Sandwich is rather popular.

The traditional ’wich calls for turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, lettuce and mayonnaise all piled high on two slices of white or whole wheat bread.

For my sandwich, I made some changes. One, mayo is gross so that’s not touching the bread. Two, there’s no point wasting time making a turkey that’s going to taste like sandpaper. Cold cuts will suffice.

With time on my hands, I made stuffing! No, not that Stove Top nonsense.

My Pecan Stuffing recipe called for chopping and sautéing celery, an onion and handfuls of parsley. Done!

I couldn’t find good old fashioned white bread at Trader Joe’s so I opted for something called Shepherd’s Bread. It looked like white bread and was pretty hard so that’d work.

Since the stuffing recipe called for stale bread and Joe’s loaf was fresh, I popped a few slices in the toaster. That’s gotta do something. After that, the bread was soaked in cold water and squeezed until dry. So weird! I felt like I was doing my laundry!

I added chopped pecans and dried cranberries then filled a Pyrex dish with my hopefully tasty mess. Into the oven it went for 30 minutes at 375 degrees.

Verdict: Thanksgiving food rocks! The stuffing was wonderfully flavorful thanks to the juicy cranberries and crunchy pecans. They tasted even better when smushed in the ’wich with a mound of yummy jelled cranberry sauce. The stuffing was so tasty that I picked out the turkey and dumped it on my “Happy Thanksgiving” paper plate. This Thanksgiving, give those birds a rest.

Pecan stuffing

Ingredients

1/2 loaf white bread, toasted or stale

1 tbsp olive oil

2 tbsp butter

1 cup celery, diced

1/3 cup onion

4 tbsp parsley

1 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

1/4 cup pecans, chopped

1/3 cup dried cranberries

2 eggs

Directions

Soak bread in water and squeeze dry. Coat frying pan with butter and sauté celery, parsley and onion. Season with salt and pepper and sauté until soft. Combine with bread, beaten eggs and remaining ingredients. Fill baking pan with mixture and bake for 30 minutes at 375 degrees.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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Kitchen Klutz: Mama mia! Who let the Klutz make the pie?

Photo by Ted Levin

By Michèle De Meglio

What was I thinking?

I hate hot ovens, I don’t like spilling food on my clothes and I can’t stand when hats mess up my hair!

Picture this — I, the Kitchen Klutz, am wearing a puffy chef’s hat (which is totally falling off my head and flattening my hair) and am about to make a pizza — from scratch! And I’m doing it in a real pizzeria. That means my baby forearms are going into a giant pizza oven. Somebody help!

So there I was, standing in Curioso Pizzeria and Ristorante at 227 Roebling Street in Williamsburg and ready (or not) for my pizza making lesson from Matt Mahler, the eatery’s owner and star pizza maker.

Matt was nice enough and patient enough even though we had to throw out three (count ’em — three!) balls of dough that I ripped with my nails. (Sorry again!)

Following Matt’s directions, I plopped the fourth dough ball on Curioso’s marble counter top, coated it with flour and stretched it into a giant circle. I’m making this sound easier than it was. And omitting the part when I lost steam and Matt took over.

Now, it was time for the main attraction — throwing the dough up in the air! As per Matt’s instructions, I balled my hands into fists and kept them in the corners of the dough. I threw that sucker as high as I could and caught it like a pro! Actually, it landed like a lump and nearly fell on the floor. Hey, I tried.

Demonstrating the proper technique, Matt sent the dough soaring into the air twice as high as I did and caught it perfectly and easily. (Note: Matt’s twice my height so I think I did okay on the dough-air-height meter.)

Adding insult to injury, flour from the high-flying dough coated my “Italian Princess” shirt and went in my eyes. Even worse, Curioso’s was packed with customers enjoying their pizzas and laughing at my silly Klutz show. Geez, it’s like high school all over again.

Back on the marble, I covered the dough with two scoops of Curioso’s sauce (smells so good!), handfuls of mozzarella cheese and mushrooms (only on half to appease my hungry photographer).

Matt and I slid a massive pizza peel under the pie and carried it to the 500-degree oven. Since I’m afraid of toaster ovens, you can imagine how terrified I was.

But in retrospect, that was nothing compared to when it was time to take the pizza out of the oven. As my hands shook, I inched the peel toward the pie, which was all the way in the back of the oven. I froze in fear so Matt had to push the peel under the rest of the pie. And he helped slide it out while I complained about the piping hot peel handle.

Verdict: Curioso’s pizza is awesome! The crust is crispy, the cheese is fresh and the sauce is sweet. A perfect pie all around!

Hop the L train to Curioso’s to try this pleasant pie for yourself. It’s just $2 for a slice and medium soda! Don’t worry — I’ve hung up my chef’s hat. Matt will be the one making your slice.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.

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