Kitchen Klutz: Stir-fry sends KK into a tailspin

**Check back Monday for this recipe!

By Michèle De Meglio

My fear of ovens has left me completely unwilling to make a dinner that doesn’t include sugary cereal and rice milk.

When it’s too much trouble to pour a bowl of Puffins, there’s always takeout.

So for this week’s adventure (or catastrophe in the making), I set out to make one of my staples — chicken and broccoli stir-fry. I even donned a satin Mandarin top complete with a cherry blossom print and put chopsticks in my hair. Gotta play the part!

The recipe sounded easy enough. Combine meat, veggies and sauce in a wok and move it around. I couldn’t mess that up!

Unfortunately, I started out on the wrong foot. I did my best to slice boneless chicken breasts into bite-sized chunks. Would have been easy if I was willing to touch the chicken with my bare hands. But since I wasn’t, I grabbed a fork and foot-long knife and attempted to slice the chicken on a piece of wax paper. This was an awesome idea! (Notice the sarcasm?)

The chicken wouldn’t stay put, the paper ripped in half and I almost lost a finger.

But that was better than when I tried to cut the broccoli into manageable florets. Apparently, you’re supposed to move the knife away from your body. Not at your torso. Okay. Can somebody get me a Band-Aid?

Since we’ve established that chopping is definitely not my forte, I just had to do better at the stir-fry part, right?

Actually, it was one of the worst experiences of my life! Steam billowed at my face, the sizzling wok scared me, and I was left crying and laughing hysterically at the same time. But I did remember to pose for photos!

Verdict: It’s a good idea to measure ingredients. And a totally bad/horrible/dumb idea to lackadaisically pour an entire bottle of stir-fry sauce into a dish. Like I did.

This “creation” was salty — WAY salty — not to mention a bit slimy from the overcooked broccoli.

I would so not order this from my local takeout joint.

Wanna know the biggest injustice of this entire experience? The stupid sauce shot out at my adorable baby blue brocade top. It was a present! Will my gift-giver be mad? Oh, I must do the right thing — time to go shopping!

E-mail tips and recipes to MDemeglio@CNGLocal.com.

Kitchen Klutz follows 20-something Michèle De Meglio as she burns casseroles and her fingers, all in hope of trading frozen dinners for home cooking.