Catch this mad cow!

By Alex Rush

Mucca Pazza suffers from an identity crisis.

The coalition of 30 adult rock musicians act as if they’re still in a high school marching band: they sport letter jackets, shake pom-pons and wield brass instruments to blast out punk-style tunes.

“You won’t know what to expect from our music and shows, ever,” said guitarist and composer Jeff Thomas.

But instead of bringing its novelty act to a borough football field, Mucca Pazza will perform at the Knitting Factory in Williamsburg on Friday night.

So how will the wannabe marching band members utilize a stage, rather than a 100-yard long field? By darting around in random clumps, forgoing any traditional formations. Members even strap speakers to their traditional marching band hats and charge into the crowd in the fashion of an out-of-control parade.

“We go into the crowd to blur the lines between the stage and the audience,” Thomas said. “We like messing with the audience like that.”

The band, whose Italian name translates to “mad cow,” was formed by bandleader and composer Mark Messing in 2004. Originally made up of only brass instruments and drums, Mucca Pazza has since added guitars and other strings into the mix. The band tours nationally and plays dozens of songs that blend rock, punk, reggaeton, metal and yes, a march. In the past four year it’s released an EP — “A Little Marching Band” — and a full-length album — “Plays Well Together.”

Football season may not start until fall, but at least marching bands can rock out year-round.

Mucca Pazza at the Knitting Factory [361 Metropolitan Ave. at Havemayer Street in Williamsburg, (347) 529-6696], August 6, 9 pm. Tickets are $15. For info, visit bk.knittingfactory.com.

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This series sucks!

By Alex Rush

Now here’s an event you can really sink your teeth into.

The Brooklyn Academy of Music will be screening 33 vampire films over the next two months, showing that the famously garlic-averse nightwalker boasts a cinematic history that goes well beyond “Twilight” and “True Blood.”

“Vampire films have always been popular though the ages, as a form of escapism, metaphor and allegory,” said Florence Almozini, the program director for the series. “The 1920s vampire movies had many political allegories, the 1970s were rich with versions dealing with sexual liberation and political issues of the day and major directors have made their own vampire films.”

The series begins tonight with “Nosferatu,” a 1922 silent film that will be screened with live piano accompaniment. This haunting German flick was the first portrayal of Dracula, Bram Stoker’s novel character who is referred to in this film as Count Orlock. The 1979 Werner Herzog interpretation, “Nosferatu the Vampyre,” screens on Aug. 8. A female vampire figure also emerges in the 1936 film “Dracula’s Daughter” (Aug. 10).

Along with the creepy, there’s the quirky, including “Blacula” (Sept. 7), the ridiculously hilarious 1972 horror-meets-blaxploitation flick, and “Innocent Blood” (Sept. 27), a 1992 dark comedy directed by the same guy who made “National Lampoon’s Animal House” and “Coming to America.”

Of course, it wouldn’t be a bloody series without the quintessential vampire film, the original “Dracula,” (Sept. 20), released 1931 and starring Bela Lugosi, whose portrayal remains the epitome of Dracula: the slicked back greaser hair, sheet-white skin, black cape, Transylvanian accent and sharp-as-nail fangs. Take that, Edward Cullen!

“Bela Lugosi’s Dead, Vampires Live Forever” at the Brooklyn Academy of Music [30 Lafayette Ave. between Ashland Place and St. Felix Street in Fort Greene, (718) 636-4129], now through Sept. 30. Tickets $12. For info, visit www.bam.org.

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Aretha concerts canceled

The Queen of Soul is not Brooklyn-bound after all!

Aretha Franklin’s two free shows here next week — first on Aug. 9 at Wingate Field in Crown Heights, and then again on Aug. 12 at Asser Levy Seaside Park in Coney Island — have been canceled due to an unspecified injury that the singer claims to have suffered on Sunday (recent reports say she fell in the bathtub).

“We’re quite bummed,” said Laura Sinagra, a spokeswoman for Borough President Markowitz, who hosts both concert series. Sinagra added that Markowitz and his producer are hoping to re-schedule Franklin’s dates, but do not yet know if that will be possible this season.

Sinagra referred all questions to Debra Garcia, the organizer of Markowitz’s free summer concerts. Garcia did not immediately respond to requests for comment. Calls to Franklin’s agent about the injury were not returned as well.

For 20 years, the borough president has been enticing the 66-year-old Franklin — known universally as just Aretha — to play his free concert series. This would have been his biggest coup since succeeding Howie Golden, and Franklin’s first shows in Brooklyn.

“Certainly thousands of music lovers were eagerly awaiting these historic shows, her first ever in Brooklyn, in the heart of our African-American community in Crown Heights and in world-famous Coney Island,” said Markowitz. “Believe me, for the more than 30 years that I have been presenting free concerts here, Ms. Franklin has been at the top of my wish-list, and that dream was about to come true. We can only hope she will reschedule when she’s feeling better — and we Brooklynites will be thrilled to welcome the Queen of Soul to the County of Kings.”

On the Sunday in question, Franklin performed at the South Shore Music Circus in Cohasset, Mass., for 85 minutes, which included a 10-minute intermission when she “slipped to the side of the stage, took a seat in the shadows and toweled off while her massive orchestra took over,” according to the Boston Herald. Throughout the performance, the hefty soul legend also seemed out of breath, according to the paper.

The remainder of Markowitz’s concert series will continue as scheduled, with John Legend performing this Thursday at Asser Levy Seaside Park.

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Head PortSide, while you can

By Damian Harris-Hernandez

Exercise your sea legs a bit this month and hang out with old tars aboard the Mary A. Whalen, a historic oil tanker in Red Hook.

PortSide New York opens the hatch for some pre-work scuttlebutt and weekend R&R at TankerTime, a standing invitation every Wednesday morning and Sunday evening to come down and interact with Brooklyn’s working waterfront.

TankerTime is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg for PortSide. The boat-based nautical non-profit aims to create a working maritime hub and cultural center at Atlantic Basin in Red Hook through performances, youth programs and boat landings.

“We’re bringing together two things never combined before: the working waterfront with the nouvelle waterfront,” says director Carolina Salguero, a Carroll Gardens native.

By “nouvelle waterfront,” she means the new esplanades, parks and developments along the water. “We need both the land component and the water component.”

Salguero’s vision includes a tugboat dock-and-shop, where crews come ashore and mingle with landlubbers, who in turn revel in the bustling maritime activity.

But for now, as Portside secures permanent residence at the basin, the group does it up with live music, film screenings and historic walking tours. To top the summer off, the tall-ship (read: pirate ship) Gazela docks abreast the Whalen on Aug. 19, bringing with her the Cabaret Red Light, who will perform aboard the 100-year-old barquentine.

The maritime merriment ships out Aug. 25, so get on board to enjoy the music, movies and sea breezes while you can.

TankerTime on the Mary A. Whalen [Pier 11 at Pioneer and Conover streets in Red Hook, (917) 414-0565], Wednesdays, 7-11 am; and Sundays, 5–9 pm until Aug. 25. Free. For info, visit portsidenewyork.org.

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'Valhalla Rising': vicious Viking tale

“Valhalla Rising”

Three stars

By Gary Buiso

Life is brutish, short and foretold in “Valhalla Rising,” a Viking saga that is as intimate as it is vicious.

After he escapes from his captors, a mute, visionary one-eyed pagan warrior named One Eye (Mads Mikkelsen), along with his ward, a young boy (Maarten Stevenson), wind up with a group of Christian Vikings intent on claiming the Holy Land.

The crusaders’ long boat gets lost in a still sea covered in a blanket of mist, and the group finds itself in the New World, where primitive arrows begin to winnow their numbers and jeopardize their mission.

Talented Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn (“Bronson”) tells the brooding tale in chapters, with names like “Hell” and “The Sacrifice” punctuating the minimalist story with One Eye’s red-soaked visions of a bleak future.

Stylish, gory and beautiful, “Valhalla Rising” is an art-house western set in 1000 AD.

“Valhalla Rising.” Unrated. Sequences of action, violence, nudity and gore. 93 minutes. With Mads Mikkelsen, Maarten Stevenson, Gordon Brown, Andrew Flanagan, Gary McCormack and Gary Lewis.

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Rock slope

Get ready to rock.

The newest addition to the booming Park Slope nightlife scene, Rock Shop, celebrates its grand opening on Aug. 2.

The space, in the former Cattyshack and spearheaded by Bowery Ballroom and Mercury Lounge owner Michael Winsch, has been open for a few weeks, but the managers waited to get settled and tweak the sound before “officially” opening.

“I’ve been very surprised with the local support,” said Brian Harkenrider, an operating partner of Rock Shop, which boasts a stage on the first floor, an upstairs bar and outdoor roof patio. “The response has been, ‘Oh my god, this is what the neighborhood has needed for a long time — a sports bar with live music and an outdoor deck.”

For the grand opening, Rock Shop booker Jack “Skippy” McFadden, whom music fans will recognize as the former booker for the Bell House and Union Hall, has pulled together a “sentimental” lineup, with songstress Sharon Van Etten, the quirky Lady Lamb The Beekeeper, and a special female headlining act that’s hush-hush until the day of the show on the bill. (UPDATE: That mystery guest has been revealed to be tUnE-YaRdS).

“All three acts are perfect examples of how an artist can be successful if given the right room in which to blossom,” said McFadden. “The club is responsible for nurturing these artists instead of seeing them as just ‘bands.’ ”

Between sets, you can imbibe in local brews including Six Point, Blue Moon, Brooklyn Lager. The only thing missing from the equation is food, which the venue will have from a local restaurant for the grand opening. By September, Harkenrider looks to start offering typical bar food like wings and burgers from its own kitchen, which will call for another party of its own.

Grand opening of the Rock Shop [249 Fourth Ave. near Carroll Street in Park Slope, (718) 230-5740], Aug. 2 at 8 pm. Tickets $15. For info, visit www.therockshopny.com.

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Heights' got spirit

What better way to celebrate a 100th birthday than to bounce into four of Brooklyn Heights’s best bars and drink a special cocktail designed just for the occasion?

On Aug. 5, the Brooklyn Heights Association invites you to do just that to mark the venerable community group’s centennial year.

Along the crawl, you’ll enjoy the “Height’s Hundredth Hellenic Punch,” a nod to the association’s centennial, comprised of Hayman’s Old Tom Gin, mint-infused honey syrup, fresh lemon and lime juice, at the Brooklyn Heights Wine Bar on Henry Street.

Then it’s on to Armando’s on Montague Street, where you can sip a “Promenade Prosecco Punch,” a blend of Prosecco, Aperol and club soda.

After the hike to Atlantic Avenue, cool off from the crawl at the Waterfront Ale House with an “Atlantic Antic Maker’s Mark Mojito,” a sweet summer cocktail made with rum, ginger ale, pomegranate juice and maraschino.

A block away at the Roebling Inn, you’ll quench your thirst from walking a block with a “Brooklyn Bridge Buzz”, a bubbly blend of cherry rum with cranberry juice and lime (see the recipe below!).

“It’s a tart cherry and cranberry drink, so quite refreshing for the summer time,” said Jason Furlani (pictured), owner of the Atlantic Avenue bar. “It’s delicious.”

The venues have also paired their concoctions with some hors d’oeuvre, from hot dogs to baked clams, so you’re not drinking on an empty stomach.

Brooklyn Heights pub crawl, starting at Brooklyn Heights Wine Bar [50 Henry St. at Cranberry Street, (718) 855-5595] at 7:30 pm on Aug. 5. Tickets $25, which includes food and drink. RSVP required to rsvp@austeragency.com. For info, visit www.thebha.org.

One of the bar owners involved in next week’s Brooklyn Heights Association’s 100th anniversary pub crawl, Jason Furlani, shares his special summer-time concoction, the Brooklyn Bridge Buzz, so you too can enjoy this Roebling Inn exclusive.

The Brooklyn Bridge Buzz

(created by Jason Furlani of The Roebling Inn)

Ingredients

1-1/2 ounces Bacardi Torched Cherry Rum

Equal parts cranberry juice and club soda

Floater of Rose’s Lime Juice

Crushed ice

Directions

Combine the rum, cranberry and club soda, and top with the lime juice. Add crushed ice, sit back and enjoy with a copy of Truman Capote’s “House on the Heights.”

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